Help with my poem

Subject: Help with my poem Thu Oct 14, 2010 2:58 pm

So, I have a poem pretty much complete, it's just that I need to find a couple of lines that fit the lines after it. The part I need help with is where the red lines are...

Blind Date

I cannot see.
my tears: rain
I cannot hear.
my heart beat: thunder
I cannot feel.
the chills up my spine: lightning
_________________________
my sweat rising to the top layer of my skin: dew
_________________________
fear flooding my body: overflowing river
I cannot breathe.
my rapid breathes: panting dog
I cannot run.
my legs: dead weight
I cannot scream.
my voice: a silent movie
I cannot fight it.
my strength: an unfinished sentence
I cannot break away.
my freedom: an untold story

Anything you could help me with would be AWESOME

Subject: Re: Help with my poem Thu Oct 14, 2010 6:28 pm

I'm not sure what you'd use for the first blank but i'd use "i cannot think" for the second blank, i think it makes sense.

Hope that helps
Belle

Subject: Re: Help with my poem Thu Oct 14, 2010 10:10 pm

TwilightFan1293 wrote:: i'd use "i cannot think" for the second blank, i think it makes sense.

I second that! And for the first blank, I'd use something like 'I cannot cool down' or 'I cannot calm down;' I think something like that would work well!

Hope I was of use!
Nicki